Monday, January 11, 2010

Another Birthday

What I think of 50

I Just had a birthday...a big number, I believe well past my halfway mark, as so nicely put by one of my younger brothers. Often at the mention of the age 50, the response is "You don't look 50" or more often "50 is the new 30". I am OK with being 50, evey year of it. 50 is not the new 30, it's 50! I think this is what 50 looks like. We are a new generation of 50. Each preceeding year has made me who I am at 50. Each trial & triumph, sorrow & joy, dissapointment & goal. I accept every line on my face, if a wrinkle is the price I pay for every laugh & smile then I am happy to have paid that price (even though many mornings I barly recognize my face in a mirror).Modern techniques make it possible to have these erased, but I would not, each line has a story behind it.

The path to 50 has not been straight and direct, there have been many forks in the path taken, with some serious bumps along the way. I have loved and have lost those that I have loved deeply. At the time the pain and sorrow unbearable. Amazingly, some how I made it through and still am able to love, knowing that loss will appear again. My heart has ached more than I ever dreamed bearable, but knowing that pain has not kept me from love.
I believe at 50 we become stronger, more compassionate, may be a little less physically able, more recovery time needed as evidenced after a long hike, bike or late night, but we still jump in, feet first.

At 50 I am truly comfortable speaking my truth. I don't try to please EVERYONE anymore. I don't so much care if I am liked by all. In 50 years I have met & become friends with a wide variety of people and I am truly blessed to have them in my life. I would consider anyone very lucky to be able to be in their company and it is my good fortune that they count me as their friend.They are amazing and from different stages in my life, but I hold them all near & dear and I am grateful.

At 50 can honestly say I am a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend. I have loads of experience.

At 50 I cannot say I have "found myself". I am still a work in progress. I hope to be true to my ideals and not offend others by doing so. I am more forgiving. I try to not hold a grudge. I have realized I will not like everyone and they me. I am ok with that. I have also realized I am not always right and for those who truly know me, you know it took me a long time to be able to say that. I feel 50 is the infant of old age, our journey just beginning. I cannot fight growing old, but growing up...NEVER! I choose to be the age in my heart. I am in amazing company, some of my favorite people have turned or are aproaching this mysterious number. So I ask... how old would you be if you did not know your age?

Happy Birthday all you Capricorns!

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