Sunday, February 7, 2016

Grow old with me...will never be.

Ted Hellier...
 used to make fun of me when this song came on  and I would get teary.
Now when I hear this song I still get teary but for different reasons.  I see older couples and I get all emotional, oh how I will soooo miss growing old with that man.
If you have not head this song by John Lennon, give it a listen, it is the sweetest. my favorite version is Mary Chapin Carpenters.

Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love 

Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our love

Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end 

Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our love

Friday, January 1, 2016

2016...Wishing you More

A fresh new year. As always it compels me to reflect on the year that has just zoomed by and think about what awaits in the 2016 wishes are many...

I will start with Peace... More Peace...I am always astounded when I read of acts of terror, senseless shootings and crimes against humanity. I am deeply saddened and wonder how we as a society arrived at this place. How can an evolved group of beings continue to repeat historically bad choices?
I shake my head and pray that we have taught our children well and they stand up, speak up, show up,  show compassion and help move our world in a peaceful, kind, giving direction. I wish for More Peace.

Love...More Love...there can never be enough. Love the one you are with, love each other, that's the way love Is , love is the drug, love hurts, love is a many splendored thing, love somebody, true love, miracle of love, sea of love, puppy love, everybody loves somebody, what the world needs now is love, dedicated to the one I love, sunshine of your love, put a little love in your heart, where is the love, power of love, love train, give me love (give me peace on earth), love hurts, rollercoaster of love, let your love flow, keep it comin' love, love is the answer, crazy little thing called love, do you believe in love , love is a battlefield, the power of love, glory of love, higher love, big love, love shack , sending all my love, love is a wonderful thing, now that we found love, one love. We need more love in this world.

More Give...Give a little get a lot. It really takes just a small act to make a huge difference. If we all gave just a little of it time, money, clothing, food, talent, so many would receive and
those in need would be lifted. When Ted was sick we were given so very much,  from friends, neighbors, starngers. I can tell you that on some of the darkest days, sad days it lifted my family in ways I never thought possible. Everyone needs a little lift now and then. I am a fan of More Give

More Together... spending more time with the ones you love, the ones you like, or  with those you would like to know. Life is too short to neglect the fundamental act of enjoying each others company. Make time,  do it... spend more time together. You won't be sorry.

More Joy... look around and see the little miracles in the every day, recognize the joy. So many things can bring joy...nature, art, a good joke, a compliment, complimenting someone else,  good company, good food, you get me...see the joy, be the joy,  make more JOY.  I have never heard anyone say I am tired of being Joyful!

More Yes.. try it, say yes more. To last minute plans, to something out of your comfort zone, to your child... Yes is so much better than no! I like YES!

More Happy...I want everyone to have more Happy in their lives... I know there is sad and anger and grief, and hard and routine, and lonely. Sometimes life gets ugly, I hope everyone can find the happy through those moments. Find your happy.  I wish everyone  MORE HAPPY!

To a happy,  healthy 2016...I wish you MORE!

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Happy, Merry, Joyful

Happy, Merry, Joyful!
Tis the season and I am all of the above. So  happy to have my children back under my roof, the silence is sometimes so LOUD I cannot stand it. I will take the loud, full house any day over quiet!
It was a Merry Christmas eve celebration once again in the Hellier house. Our open house tradition  began when Ted  and I were newly living together and has endured over the years....Almost 30 years now. We LOVE having all of our dear friends gather together, it is always a special eve for us and oh so full of JOY!
Joyful, for quite a few years now we have gathered at our friends home in Cape Elizabeth for an evening of great company, good food and Caroling! Ted and I always enjoyed and looked forward to our annual Caroling event.  When Ted was sick, this group of dear friends came to our home and we sat around the fireplace and sang our caroles as always. Ted  always in great voice was not as strong that year, as he was quite ill. He requested  "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman"  and thank goodness John Stuart carried us through. It was a lovely day, and thinking back I think we all had thoughts that this may be our last all together. Since that day 3 years ago, Pammie Mullen has not let a caroling gathering go by without singing Ted's favorite, This year, was no different... Pam & Peter hosted us once again... I am grateful for all of our dear friends who keep his memory alive.  A lovely way to wrap up a year.

Monday, October 12, 2015

Happy Birthday Dad

Happy Birthday BOB!
Today is my dads birthday. He would be 80 today. I remember every  Bob thing. 

He was smart, funny, kind, sarcastic, quick witted,  artistic, sensitive, sweet, and loved by many.

Whenever I smell a pipe, hear Earth Wind and Fire,  Blood Sweat and Tears, Doobie Bros, Grateful Dead, or Harry Chapin, watch Monty Python, or late night TV,  a baseball game, or watch my nephews play little league, I am instanly taken back to the days of my dad. 

                    We were so alike in many ways. Growing up the only girl in my family, I constantly butted heads with my dad about equality. It was hard being a girl with 3 brothers... different rules, and I wasn't having it! The moment I moved out of the house, the head butting stopped and he bacame my best pal, biggest cheerleader and supporter. 30 years is a long time, but the heart never forgets. Happy Birthday dad.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Keeping him in my heart for a while

There is a  song by Warren Zevon and my dear friend Michael Rancourt sang it at Ted's memorial service... I am ever grateful for his lovely version... it was amazing. If I could figure out how to post it here I will, but for now I'll give you Warren's version.
Ted and I would have celebrated 26 years of marriage and 29 years together. I miss him madly. His laugh, his wisdom (yes, he was wise), his kindness, his friendship, his love, his ease, his handy fix it all, make anything capability, his ability to difuse me and our children when angry, his partnership, I miss his presence.
When life events are on the horizon, I become super emo... my achy heart, right in the way. I have no way to stop mocks me, it is right there looking me in the face, and I have no way of escaping it.
I find that after 2 years I  still find myself with a huge hole in my heart. I expected it, but I also expected it to mend a tad. So I find the true story of grief is a hard, hard story to tell. For those walking a similar walk,  I am bad counsel. I have no wise words, no timeline, no easy fix. My truth is that there is no universal answer, timetable, schedule. And damn it I wish there were! Each person with a great loss has their own story. I am not saying that I am unhappy, I have so much to be happy about and grateful for. I just am wondering when the giant ache of missing Ted will subside just a little.
 I have no idea when I  reach that part of the story.  I am waiting for that. I  do know  that it comes. Ted will always be in my heart,  I would just rather remember with laughter, some tears but not the painful heartheavy,  achey kind. And maybe that never goes away. I have no clue... I do know others have waked this way, but like me,  their story is unique to them. So I wait, as I know it will come. 

Monday, September 14, 2015

Happy 60 Cappy!

We celebrate without you, but you are always with us. The remodeling tasks are not as fun without you! This marks the 3rd birthday without you here... I hope you are raising a nice cold one and listening to some Mountain and Marley! I love you my dearest and miss you madly. Growing old will be so strange without you.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Empty house, full heart

It's August already...the time has flown by this summer. Big changes on the horizon. My baby leaves for college in days,  and for me that means empty house. I have been in denial a tad. Having my children in the house means never a dull or quiet moment. The silence may be deafining! I am so excited for my boy... leaving Tuesday...the  endless possibilities in front of him. You're welcome Goucher College... he is one special kid... wise beyond his years, smart, kind, funny, sarcastic, easy going, quick whitted, sensitive, empethithetic, athletic, cool and calm and up for anything!
I know everyone thinks that of their child, but this guy... well, he has grown up fast. He was home when Ted was sick, and he has had to rise to occassions no child should have to. He has been a huge support to me, a great diversion for me and a great joy. So my wish for him is to go to MD, enjoy every moment, unencumbered by sickness, obligation, responsilibility and concern.
Go do you. Oh boy! My heart is full...I am so very proud, and honored to be your mom.