tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72776467746930620032024-03-13T16:53:02.404-04:00Zaz and MoeZaz & Moe, clothing, homewares, art, design, insightsZaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.comBlogger196125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-74479477669369210742020-11-15T13:58:00.001-05:002020-11-29T13:38:02.203-05:00Hello again Zaz + Moe, I've missed you.<p> </p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-33hj9xBPB2U/X7F5dyAorhI/AAAAAAAAC90/3Z0Tcdgobu0k82A_8OcyQp82SnQLap6VQCNcBGAsYHQ/s2048/18237A94-785C-4099-B509-B0C43B4DC3A8.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1325" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-33hj9xBPB2U/X7F5dyAorhI/AAAAAAAAC90/3Z0Tcdgobu0k82A_8OcyQp82SnQLap6VQCNcBGAsYHQ/w259-h400/18237A94-785C-4099-B509-B0C43B4DC3A8.jpeg" width="259" /></a></div><br />Thank you all, for always being so kind and receptive to my work, my life, my joy, my sorrow. <p></p><p>2020 has been a year! I know many of you find yourself in the same boat. My job ended in July, as a covid casualty, I was there for 8 years, and my plan was to leave in 2... so it was just a tiny bit excellerated for me. The timing perfect, I took the glorious summer to enjoy, sell a much loved and cherished home in Boothbay, and decide what I wanted to do. I had hoped to get back to being a full time Maker when I retired, so when the universe gives you lemons... Go back to your roots... Zaz + Moe for me = Lemonade!!!</p><p>So I've been trying to keep up with the cool kids and hone my social media game, create a web site, make things, redo my old studio into a showroom space and you know, general business things. The only thing still looming large over me is the website, but it will happen ...soon! </p><p>Now for the fun.... I will once again do a Holiday Open Studio show and sale. Due to Covid, only a few of my usual favorite makers will be joining me, but it will be lovely! We will be christening my new studio showroom, and feature some work outside on the heated porch! ( I use the term heated loosely, you will still need to bundle up!) </p><p>The details will be posted soon, but looks like a Friday night and Saturday event in December the 4+5 mark your calendars and tell your friends! We will be following all the safe social distincing practices... Masks, hand sanitizer, limited foks inside, all things safe! </p><p>I hope to see you all soon! And we can raise a little glass of cheer to a new better 2021!</p>Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-6952280769783829462020-01-01T12:38:00.000-05:002020-01-05T00:20:15.135-05:00Past, Present and Future<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A whole new decade...Year of the Rat...I cannot believe its 2020! In 8 days I am moving into my 6th decade on the planet...CRAZY! No I mean it, really, really crazy!!! The passing of time boggles my mind. Not so long ago we were partying like it was 1999!!! I have learned many life lessons in these 60 years ... some harder than others... but I embrace and have enjoyed the journey so far...when I look back a young me... I never saw certain things coming... I guess that is the blessing of youth.<br />
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The past seems not so far away...so many of my memories feel like they happened just yesterday, and some things that happened just a few years ago seem like a lifetime ago.<br />
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So much joy and happiness, these memories come often and bring a smile and make me grateful daily. I cannot preach enough about the value of Joy and happiness... Lately you see the quote "Choose Happy" everywhere... I have made that a conscious decision since I was about 12... that is when I realized only I have the power to change my destiny... it was an epiphany for me...from that age on, I always chose to let the bad go and move forward in a positive direction.<br />
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So many losses, in the last 5 decades I have lost so many people I have loved deeply, their memories bring both tears and joy. I am a better me for having had each of them in my life. I am a very fortunate woman for having known such love, and friendships. I count my blessings daily.<br />
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A Million Mistakes made...I always tell my kids "mistakes are for learning", if we don't make mistakes we don't learn by them. I have made a few...and many, many lessons learned.<br />
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People come and go...there have been so many who have entered and then exited my life. It's funny that you never expect that to happen when you are young. But I have found that not all friends are meant to be in your life forever, and that is OK. We all change and some are only meant to be there for a minute. I feel like I have an embarrassment of riches in this department. When the going got tough... my people showed up and continue to grace me with their beautifulness...To quote Ted... I am a lucky girl.<br />
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I am a "live in the moment " kind of person... I enjoy each day, and try to really be in the moment... sometimes I fail, but mostly I try to be really present. I have learned from past events, that life is too short, not to sound cliche, but tomorrow is not guaranteed. Sometimes its difficult, but mostly I just need to remind myself...So I say yes! Do everything! Go everywhere! Meet new people! Put yourself out there! Be open! Show up for others!( this one is most important) Be kind! Show up for yourself! That last piece... I am the worst at...the showing up for me, self care, I'm learning. I'm thinking 2020 is my year for that. More self care.<br />
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And I have so much hope for the future. There are some amazing folks doing really amazing things, many of them I count as friends. I focus on that and not the other newsie, negative sound bites I hear on a continuous loop. There are so many cool, smart, artistic, talented, motivated, entrepreneurial, positive, kind, caring, movers and shakers that are working hard to change things, locally, nationally and globally...I want to be a part of that, and that is what I want to listen to. 2020 I'm focusing on that.<br />
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Like the Rat I am optimistic that the coming year will be full of kindness, compassion, love, and forward moving, positive energy.<br />
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Happy New year to you, I wish you luck, and when luck seems elusive... the ability to turn lemons into lemonade. I hope you never lose your thirst for knowledge and growth. I hope you always have the ability to see the good and do good. There really is so much good... I'm manifesting that ... GOODNESS in 2020!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Welcome 2020<span style="font-size: x-large;">...</span></span>my year...year of the RAT!<br />
( ironic that the rat is my Chinese Zodiac sign, yet I am HUGELY petrified of rodents!)Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-43829052105111433332019-09-14T14:24:00.001-04:002019-09-14T14:24:15.799-04:00September 14...64!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today would have been Teds 64th birthday. I imagine we would be talking about how he could retire next year, ( But he wouldn't) how OLD he was ( cause he would be!), where we should be planning his 65 birthday trip ( I imagine back to Hillside Villa in Jamaica, because he loved it there so) etc.<br />
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Last year I came across these pics from his time teaching at the Deck House School in Edgecomb ME. These are way before we met, but these capture so well, the essence of Ted... and they remind me that our children are Ted ambassadors...they embody so many of his qualities. So my birthday wish for Ted is ...I hope you can see how awesome your kiddos are... still, just getting better with age! And thank you for them. Without a doubt our best work!<br />
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Happy Birthday Cappy!</div>
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I Love You and Miss You every day. </div>
<br />Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-11088963586218397072019-09-12T11:17:00.002-04:002019-09-12T11:21:10.226-04:00BESTIES<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Besties... everyone should have one... I have a few, awesome women whom I depend deeply, confide everything, cry with laugh with and could not have gone thru most of my life things, without their support and love.<br />
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My Aunt Connies Birthday was celebrated a few days ago... she has been my aunt, for my entire life, not my moms sister, but my moms bestie... besties since childhood. To say I love this woman is understatement. She is strong, kind, fun, loyal, deeply family oriented and simply a beautifully awesome human being.<br />
To have had her as one of my "Mom" role models growing up has definitely influenced my momming game.<br />
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And the fun factor... AC always brings her A Game... Here is a little clip from her granddaughter Sarah's wedding.... Dancing with my brother Chris... I also have found memories of these 2 dancing at my wedding some 30 years ago. I hope to see these two dance at many more family wedding to come! Love you Aunt Connie.. Happiest of Birthdays to you.XOXOXOXOX<br />
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<br />Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-25422689412564341822019-06-16T12:33:00.000-04:002019-06-16T13:58:08.463-04:00And on the eve of year 6...Happy Fathers day Cappy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Six Years tomorrow...and today, on the eve of the day you left us, I am reminded so wonderfully who you were, by these images of your children. You would be so proud Ted. T-Moe took this semester off to re-evaluate and re-energize. He left school and a lacrosse team of guys he really loved, to make choices that best suited him. I watched thru his college career, as he shared time in goal at Goucher, and always felt you there. I watched him as the starting goalie at Merrimack and playing in a National title game, and you were there. I also watched as he sat on the bench, but instead of being mad and bitter, I watched him rise up and lift up the team and be a really, really good teammate. This I know was guided by you. And now that decisions have been made, I look forward to his next year (as he "comes out of retirement", as he says) at a new school, back on the field, doing what he loves. All the choices he has made, not easy, but I am so proud of the man we raised.</div>
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I watched as T-Moe coached youth and HS teams thru the winter, reffed 10 games at the 7th Annual Ted Hellier Laxfest, and then as he took on his first HS coaching gig, enjoying the moments just like you. Just look at that stance... no denying who he takes after, minus the keg! (For those of you who don't know...Ted affectionately referred to his growing mid section as a keg instead of a 6pack) </div>
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And your girl... her compassion and drive... You! Her life choices, its like you are right here guiding her. She reminds me of you so much. When she's frustrated with the dogs... she Ted pets them... its crazy! Her talent in the kitchen...you. Her early rise to start the day...you... I know she misses her morning buddy so much. Unlike you however ...she hates to get her pic taken... that she gets from me!<br />
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So as Zaz and I watched T-Moe in action as NYA's assistant coach, yesterday in the State Championship game, we got a glimpse of you. </div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">He is passionate about the game...like you,</span></div>
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he cares about his players...like you</div>
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He enjoys the moment...like you</div>
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He is a hugger...like you</div>
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he is happy for others successes...like you</div>
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he is a team player... like you. You taught him that lesson very well.</div>
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All these reminders yesterday, that the best things we ever did... are STILL the best things we ever did. And I am so grateful to you for them. I am so happy I get to see YOU in them each day. Some days, like yesterday, it just screams you more than others. I am ever so grateful and joy filled for days like these. You my dear are forever in our hearts, and missed more than I thought possible. Happy Fathers Day Cappy!</div>
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Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-75439190149461506792019-06-02T14:07:00.000-04:002019-06-16T13:00:43.754-04:007th Annual<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It is hard to believe Seven years ago, was the first Ted Hellier Laxfest... as many of you already know, Ted was quite ill at the time, but he was so determined to make an appearance at the festival. He was able to attend, that very first Laxfest... and his energy and spirit has been felt at every one since. He may no longer be with us physically, but boy oh boy do we feel him at this festival every year. Today the 7th annual Ted Hellier LaxFest, was no different. It has come to be one of my favorite days of the year, for so many reasons.<br />
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I love the energy of the day.. Friday night before the Fest... volunteers meet to set up the field, hang banners, place signs, and meet food trucks. All the months of planning are realized and everyone is so on it! At 6am on Saturday... all the tired Varsity and JV lacrosse players groggily head to the complex to help set up the fields. These boys comically work together to get the huge tent set up ... each year it is something to watch... seeing who takes the lead, how many opinions it takes, technique styles. How many lacrosse players does it take to raise a tent? It is like watching the 3 stooges, but more like 18 stooges! This year with Heather at the helm... the quickest tent raising ever!!! Once the tent is set, all the Varsity players get ready to either Ref lots of games, man the Speedball, or do whatever the volunteer coordinator asks of them, while the JV ready themselves for 3 good games of lacrosse. The parents of these players and past players also show up at 6am... coffee fueled to get the show on the road, and by 7am when teams start arriving, everything is in place and running smoothly. Everyone just happy to be here and ready to spend a day outside and around LOTS of Lacrosse games.</div>
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THE LOVE OF LACROSSE... Its different than any other sport I have been involved with...Ted always encouraged his youth players to play both Lacrosse and Baseball... heck, Ted was a huge baseball fan, but he knew as the boys got older, there would come a time when there would not enough room on a baseball team for all the athletic talent. He was sure the lure of the fastest game on two feet, would woo many of them to the game... he was not wrong. He would always say... "there is room on a lacrosse team for every kid".<br />
Ted, was a believer in his players, all of his players, he had a way of communicating with them... not yelling, not ignoring, not belittling, no passive aggression... just respect, he was a believer that you had to give respect to get it.<br />
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For the Love of my husband... a lacrosse fest of this size is a huge deal to organize and run. It takes many, many planning hours, so many volunteers, a ton of sponsors, lots of teams from all over New England (showing up to get their game on), logistical snafus that need to be dealt with at the last minute, weather issues beyond our control and just stuff... it happens when coordinating an event with over 1000 atteendees. But for the LOVE of TED... all the pieces fall into place, folks understand that things happen, Volunteers rise to the occasion and spend more time than scheduled, do tasks they have never done before, all with a smile on their faces and all for the Love of Lacrosse and the love of Ted.<br />
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This year for me marks the last of "Teds boys" The age group below was his favorite to coach... he got to see raw talent... help them channel energy and develop a passion... all the good sweet parts of coaching... for the purity and love of a sport. Many of the boys in the photo below have recently graduated or will be graduating this year. A shout out to all of them... for making Coach Teds time with you all, such a joy... it was his honor to watch you all grow, and become great young adults. His time on the field with you all was treasured by him and I thank you all.<br />
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I personally look forward to watching you all, in Your HS careers, college years and beyond...</div>
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and until next years Laxfest... "Play well young fellas"!</div>
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Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-41941460743451081922019-01-01T13:16:00.003-05:002019-01-01T13:16:56.121-05:00the past 51 days of 365<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Happy New Year! I am 112 days into my 365 a day drawings. for those who are stuck, in a rut or rusty... I highly recommend this exercise.</div>
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Some I really, really like, some... eh and some I see potential in using elements in other pieces. Thanks for looking, I am always intrigued at what folks respond to... for 23 years I made art for a living and was always thrilled when a customer connected with a piece, be it an illustration, a piece of clothing or a card! Thanks for looking, Hope you enjoy.</div>
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Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-55002993182436955812019-01-01T00:17:00.000-05:002019-02-02T13:39:21.396-05:00New, New New!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's a brand new year. How lucky are we ... we get to reset every 365 days. I always like to take time to look back on the year... so many things... so many feelings.<br />
2018 was a learning year for sure. I learned so much about people, and how NOT to treat others. For me its been ingrained in my upbringing, treat folks they way you want to be treated. It was my Moms mantra, and mine, to my 2 children. But 2018... brought into my immediate sight how many people do not practice this simple act. Its shameful... an opportunity missed. I have a tendency to perseverate on things that I should just let go of, but alas I cannot. So here are a few of my favorite words from 2018...what are your words?<br />
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<b>Believe</b>... in good, in kindness, in peace, in goodness... If you believe it, it will happen. I remind myself of that when I am shaking my head at absurdities that seem to be broadcast on the daily. Believe!<br />
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<b>Communicate</b>...this is a really good word and really works when its done correctly! To be heard and listened to, one needs to communicate what your needs and expectations are. More people should practice communication. It's a really, really key word.<br />
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<b>Standards.</b>.. If you set a standard, one needs to be the example... how can you hold folks to standards you, yourself do not hold. And if you set a standard, hold all to the same standards set... if not, then its just bullshit really, and lord know we don't need more of that. Yay for standards and nay to bullshit!<br />
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<b>Inspire</b>... we all have the opportunity...to inspire, be it as a mentor, coach, teacher, boss, friend, parent. To be one of the former and not take the advantage of the simple act of inspiring is a huge missed moment and a huge waste of an opportunity to make a connection. If you are lucky enough to be in a position...make a connection!<br />
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<b>Strength</b>... in body, mind and soul... I have seen friends go thru some pretty heavy things in 2018 (17,16,15,14,13,12... and on and on) and am in awe of their strength of mind... willing the body...and feeding the soul. I raise a huge glass to strength!<br />
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<b>Show up</b>... be there for your family, your friends, your neighbors, it's really so easy to do, and really so important and so meaningful to those you show up for, and those who show up for you.<br />
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<b>Encourage</b>... a little encouragement-goes a long way... I encourage you all to promote, assist, buoy, boost, energize and lift someone! Speak kind words. It's really so easy to do.<br />
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<b>Give</b>... it really is so nice to do and so easy. It makes people happy, and it makes you happy... give of yourself, your time your talent, and make everyone happy!<br />
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<b>Take</b>... take the time to listen, take the time to see, take your time when speaking... be present... you will be surprised at what you hear and see and what is heard. Take,take, take!<br />
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<b>Laugh</b>... you can never do this enough..laugh at yourself, laugh at situations beyond your control... I'm pretty good at this... I have lots of laugh lines to prove it... I kinda dig them ( most days)<br />
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<b>Focus</b>... you are your future... focus on what you want, always moving forward.<br />
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<b>Thankful...</b>so much to be thankful for...be thankful...for everything big and small. Life is short, don't sweat the small stuff. Remember what's really, really important and be oh so grateful!<br />
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<b>Worth... </b>you are worthy, know your worth and never let anyone diminish your worth. It takes a small person to demean another... rise above, and let your character shine. People will notice.<br />
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<b>Courage..</b>. to face difficulty, without fear. To face the unknown, fearlessly, to move forward, to embrace the unknown. Courage is a beautiful word!<br />
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<b>Creativity... </b>find it within you and do it... Share your originality, let your freak flag fly!<br />
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<b>Respect</b>... You have to give it to get it. It's hard to give respect to someone who does not give the same courtesy. It cannot be demanded it needs to be earned. Give the respect you wish to get.<br />
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<b>Enjoy.. </b>all the moments...raise a big glass to ENJOYMENT<br />
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<b>Faith</b>... keep it whatever your faith is, and respect others. Im keeping the faith in 2019!<br />
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<b>Help</b>.. those who cannot help themselves... help yourself, help those who don't know they need your help and the hardest... asking for help if you need it. Help is a wonderful word.<br />
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<b>Judge.</b>..not... you never know what someone has endured... I know its hard. I remind myself often not to judge.<br />
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<b>Friendship... </b>this is a magnificent word... nurture them, keep them, make new ones... Tequilla to friendship!<br />
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<b>LOVE.</b>.. let it fill you up... spread it, show it, say it... this one word you can never have enough of, hear enough or show enough... Share the love!<br />
and Cheers to this Big, Great, Fantastic, Happy, Healthy, Shiny New Year!<br />
<br />
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<br />Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-6839127388218192202018-11-08T22:44:00.003-05:002018-11-08T22:58:38.733-05:00365I decided about 60 days ago to do a drawing each day for 365 days. For 23 years I made a living as an artist, the past 6 I have been focused on other important life things. I have always missed the making... its a part of who I am. I am excited to get back at it. I am hoping to get super inspired by the work that will come out of these 365 days. Here are the first 60 days.<br />
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Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-72644030108910118972018-06-17T19:02:00.000-04:002018-06-17T19:06:24.621-04:001825<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love this image of Ted ... classic Ted, scruffy and happy after a long day of building our house... and the grin, his how ya doin, just happy to just be spending another day on the planet grin.<br />
Today Ted has been gone exactly 5 years... from this planet...1825 days to be exact. I could say a lot, but I won't. I think I have said it all before. So I will just say... you are missed dearly and loved greatly, today as much as you were on this day in 2013.<br />
I'll leave these words which I feel deeply and was sung so beautifully at your memorial service by our friend Michael Rancourt, writen by Warren Zevon...<br />
I'll keep you in my heart for a while.<br />
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Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-60786241655569826742018-06-03T14:36:00.001-04:002018-06-03T14:36:51.319-04:006th Annual Ted Hellier Laxfest<br />
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Its June...bringing all the feelings front and present.<br />
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It's hard to believe, yesterday, June 6, was the 6h Annual Ted Hellier Laxfest. A FUN filled day of lacrosse. This Festival brings together hundreds of Middle School and JV girls and boys lacrosse teams. A day long festival, playing lacrosse for the love of the game. and the Love of Ted.<br />
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The first Ted Hellier Laxfest was in June of 2013... 2 weeks before Ted passed away. He was hellbent on attending the newly named festival in his honor. It meant so much to him, to have his town and his players want to name a "Fest" after him. Not one for being the center of attention... this was a high honor for him. As I said, he was hellbent on being here on this day. He was quite ill at this time, it took hours for him to get ready to go out...it was a process. He was there early and only able to stay for a couple of hours...he was surrounded by players past and present, their families and friends...so many friends and well wishers. It was a beautiful thing to see, and a memory that I hold so close to my heart.<br />
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It takes lots of work to plan a fest...the planning for Laxfest begins in January... many hours logged... so on the day after he 6th annual Ted Hellier Laxfest, I am truly grateful for the hard working folks who tirelessly give their time and talent to the game of lacrosse, growing the program and making this one of the premiere Festivals in Maine.<br />
A huge THANK YOU to ...the South Portland Lacrosse Boosters, all of our Generous Sponsors, all of the Varsity team volunteers and their families, all the JV and MS families and their players, all of the returning folks from teams past, and all the boys Ted coached (and not just lax players) who showed up to say hello and offered to help. I am continually touched to hear stories of how Ted not only coached you on the field and court, but also taught you life long lessons... it truly warms my heart that he made such a significant mark on you all. And to all the future lacrosse super stars... like my little friend below... may you always have fun and know the love and brotherhood of a bonded team.<br />
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Till next year... I hope you all continue to play, and have fun doing it. For the love of the game and the and the Love of Ted, The Hellier's thank you for your support and passion.<br />
<br />Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-51304985363448038042017-12-28T15:45:00.001-05:002019-01-01T13:30:29.443-05:00Tis the season for tradition<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It has happened for me, each year since 1985. That feeling...longing for those who are not here with us during the holidays. When they come, I get all the feelings...you know, sad, happy, joy, heartache, but I must say these days the biggest feeling I get is comfort. An overwhelming feeling of being wrapped in a sweet, love filled blanket. When Ted & I married and then had children we blended each of our families traditions. Christmas eve, was his. Since 1997, we have had a Christmas eve open house at our home, an early evening soiree. It was Teds family tradition, and now our Hellier family tradition. I swear, at certain moments in the eve, in my mind and heart, I can see and feel Ted holding court in the kitchen! (The man loved to holiday, and he did them so well) All of our dear friends continue to show up on Teds favorite eve, sharing good tidings of comfort and joy. At the nights end, my children and I take stock of who was there, who we missed, who we got to chat with, who we hardly had time to talk with or who was there, but we totally did not see! We love the night, and are so grateful for all of our friends who continue to share our tradition and who have made it part of their family tradition.<br />
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I find continuing traditions connects me to Ted and my Mom and Dad. Their place in my heart always, ever present...and certain celebrations... bring them right to me!<br />
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Christmas season in general, that is a Dad holiday... I won't say Bob LOVED Christmas, but some of my favorite memories and traditions come from my dad. I will share a few here. Bob did nothing before Christmas eve... well, except the making of his fabulous Peace and Joy light signs... in the 60's and 70's my dad would get a piece of plywood, spell out the GIANT words in big magnificant light bulbs and then make a peace sign... I LOVED THOSE SIGNS! I think I was channeling my best dad when Ted & I made our giant peace wreath.<br />
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But getting the tree, shopping, wrapping, you know all the biggies, that was a Christmas eve event. For years (like, until I was in my 40's) I thought getting and putting up a tree on Christmas eve was an old Italian tradition. For as long as my dad was alive, that was ours. We would get a tree early christmas eve... bring it in the house, let it settle in, and then a few hours later begin the decorating! Years later I asked my mom about the tradition and where it began... and she said it was a "Bob" tradition... my dad didn't want to spend lots of money on a tree, so he waited until the last possible day. And can I say, the anticipation of that day... OUT OF OUR MINDS...me and my 3 brothers... it was MAGICAL!<br />
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And the shopping for gifts... also a Bob tradition on Christmas eve. After we purchased the best possible tree left on the lot, and put it up... he would take me on his shopping extravaganza! Just me and my dad... we shopped for my mom, and special gifts for my brothers...it was always an adventure. As I got older, my dad would wait for me to get home from college, NH, or Maine, where ever I was living, so we could get our shop on! (we did it until his last Christmas in1984 when he was too sick to make it out...I remember that year clearly, Christmases as I knew them, would never be the same)<br />
And then the wrapping. (or lack there of) Of course cheap Bob did not want to PAY for wrapping paper, so he crafted his own... truly beautiful, funny works of art. And Santa gifts in my house...unwrapped, thats how you knew they were from Santa!<br />
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From all of those traditions... we have created our own.<br />
Ted and I caved on the tree thing... our kids wanted it up before Christmas, so we get it a week before and leave it up for a week after.<br />
Almost all of our ornaments are handmade which we all made each year to hang and gift.<br />
We would get all of our shopping done in one night, though not Christmas eve, that was party night, but usually around the 20th... one day of shopping together and then dinner and drinks after... We Loved that tradition.<br />
NOT WRAPPING Santa gifts, my dad, TRULY GENIOUS, all the big gifts, bikes, snow boards, doll houses, hamsters, sports gear... those difficult to wrap things...SANTA!!!<br />
And the other gifts... handmade paper.<br />
I continue those traditions, with a nod to the master paper maker!<br />
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My mother did the lions share of the Christmas shopping, and house decorating on Cayuga Road, she LOVED it... shopping was her thing. She was a thoughtful gift buyer, always thinking of what would truly make each of us shriek with glee. As she got older and compromised because of brain tumors and many craineotomies her gifts became a little crazy... but still she shopped. I have to say... those gifts... some of our favorite family moments, wondering what she was thinking as she was purchasing, and the looks on our faces as we opened them... so funny, and usually they were extremely large, extremely ugly or extremely not reflective of the recepiant at all. But we loved them all the same.<br />
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When she decked the halls, she would bring out the family decorations, wreaths, stockings, and Christmas up the house (until the Christmas eve tree event). Each tear, a fight about the Christmas tree beads... only she and I loved them, my brothers and my dad did not! Each year when I joyfully trim the tree in my own home, with my vintage glass beeds, ( as the box my brother made a zillion years ago reads) it brings me back to family heated discussions on why they should or shouldn't be on the tree, I put them up without a fight, but always I am brought right backt to Cayuga Road.<br />
And her Navity scene... the envy of my children. When my mom remarried she had a lovely Navity set. My children loved it and were kinda mad that we did not have one. Upon our return from a visit with my mom, Eliza & T-Moe set to creating a beautiful scene of their own. Barbie, Ken, Rescue Heros, various animals, playschool barn and a golfball, were the key players of their scene. To this day my favorite decoration. Now 20 somethings, my children still set it up... it is the best! My mom passed away in 2011, the day after Christmas... I believe she was holding on, so as not to spoil the day that she so loved.<br />
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Traditions, I love them so, they send me right back, they warm me, bring tears, smiles and such a feeling of pure love and joy. My children are tradition keepers, I love that about them both... I envision, a future with their version of our traditions that have been built over the years and I look forward to each and every tradition filled year. Whatever your holiday and traditions... I hope thay are fabulous and spent with all you hold near and dear.<br />
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<br />Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-11372185858248272452017-10-07T18:03:00.000-04:002017-10-07T18:03:48.349-04:00It's been a while<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So, years ago I took a metalsmithing class with the oh, so talented, Susan Bickford. I learned lots. I had been dreaming of mixing metal and fiber... I made the jewelry in photo then, it now seems like eons ago. But still I dream of metal and fiber. Sewn and hammered, riveted and wrapped, wool and jersey, repurposed, brass, copper, silver... so many ways I have dreamed. I was in the studio today, pondering what to make, I am a maker, I love to see the maker's mark on things made by the hand. It has been a while... I am feeling inspired. It will be a surprise to me... I hope what I have been dreaming and sketching... is good... you never know... I will see where it takes me!<br />
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<br />Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-18388908393512304772017-10-07T16:38:00.000-04:002017-10-07T16:43:28.508-04:0028<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Happy Anniversary Ted! </div>
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This would be, as you would have said, our 28th year of "Wedded Bliss". That was always your answer.<br />
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It was a weekend long wedding, such amazing memories of that weekend with our friends and family. My heart carries amazing memories of our 26 years spent together. <br />
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<span style="text-align: start;">I will raise a glass tonight to us... tomorrow will watch our boy play fall ball, you would have so enjoyed that as part of our celebration! We were good together. I miss you like crazy. Always in my heart.</span></div>
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<br />Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-63840022510151962352017-09-14T00:00:00.000-04:002017-09-14T09:52:10.002-04:00Happy 62 Cappy!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
62, its your 62nd Birthday! Seems so crazy to me that 5 birthdays have come to pass. It truly seems like yesterday that we celebrated you in true Ted style. Surrounded by love... your family and friends. You did so love a party! I wish we were doing it this way today. </div>
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We have missed celebrating you these past 5 years. </div>
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At the risk of being repetitive, I think of you each day. Each year my wish is a little less pain in my heart, but now at year 5 I'm thinking that will never go. I'm ok with that. I think if we did not love so greatly, then the pain would not be so great. And I would not have changed a thing. (Maybe the plaid shirts, with striped shorts, but that's it) You loved me, Eliza, Moe, our families, and all who knew you with such Big Love. It is so true, the greater the love, the grater the loss. </div>
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Missing you today and every day Greatly.</div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">57th birthday.</span></div>
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50th</div>
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Oh June...<br />
Upon your arrival I am immediately reminded of what lies ahead...Ted Hellier Laxfest (5th annual) a day of celebrating the game he so loved) Flag day, (Teds high holy day!) Fathers day, and June 17. I feel your presence creeping up as May winds down. Unexplicable bouts of sadness, crying for no apparent reason, an emotional roller coaster. And then it occurs to me that June is on the rise and it all makes sense. It will be 4 years (1460 days) since Ted has not been sleeping next to me, 4 years of amazing things our children have accomplished. I witness it without Ted by my side, beaming with joy and smiling that beautiful mustached smile. I do feel his presence, but it's not the same. After 4 years I still miss him like crazy, I still sometimes have the feeling like he's going to walk thru the door. I have become quite good at camouflaging the huge Ted chamber in my heart, but it's always right there, and when it's covered I'm good, but often, I feel like I can physically touch it, like giant hole, where everything Ted lives. I literally put my hand to my chest to keep it all in.<br />
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I had lunch the other day with a friend who lost her husband a year ago, we talk about our loss and grief and where we are in that process...we wish there was a book, with hard fast rules. This process is so very different for each of us, yet so the same. We are oddly comforted by this sameness.<br />
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It is an odd journey for sure. The roads unfamiliar, the map not clearly marked, and definitely unsure where it all leads to. Where there were plans, I now have none. I wing it, my new mantra "its all good". For the first time in my life I have no plan. Ted and I had plans, but things have changed, I truly have no idea what lies ahead. Truth be told, that's a little scary. I'm a girl who likes a plan. But it's all good... forward movement.<br />
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Ted and I were together 27 years, 27 really good years, we loved each other, loved our children, our friends, and our family. And we really liked each other and each other's company. We did our own thing, but always made time for each other. I miss the conversations, the coming together after a work day to catch up, talking about our kiddos, our day, and just the daily happenings. I miss talking about our future. (back to that plan thing) it's just not the same planning by oneself, no one to toss ideas around with, I'm a dreamer, planner, I don't know now what my dream is, it always had Ted in it. And that, after 4 years has settled in hard. Mind you I have always been strongly independent, I don't mind being alone, I'm not lonely, I am truly so fortunate and, to quote Ted so "Lucky" to have so many dear friends, whom I love and who have been present for me in so many huge ways, these past 5 years. I have 2 amazing children , who bring me vast amounts of joy, and a family that has always had my back. I am now, after 1460 days, trying to figure out what my new dream will look like. It's all good, I have a pretty great life, it just aches to know Ted is not taking part in the conversation. I will look for signs, it's how I roll these days. I know he's with us, I just have to be aware.<br />
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So today I will honor Ted by being happy! I will go to a lacrosse game, (we have friends playing in the state finals... Ted will be there cheering Gavin on... as will I, just from different seats! ) And later on I will raise a nice cold Heinie, to a life well lived and a man HUGELY loved and dearly missed.<br />
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<br />Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-36290713778122628962017-01-01T15:16:00.000-05:002017-01-01T15:24:01.663-05:00New, Nouveau, Nuovo, Happy, Heureux, Felice!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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2016... You were a year! You made me think deeply, feel deeply, laugh til I cried, cry til I laughed, experience joy and fear. Here are a few things I will take away from you, some I will leave behind and some I will and take into 2017.<br />
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HAPPY...<br />
for:<br />
... My amazing children who daily make me proud to be their mom... (even though they give me grey hair...) I wouldn't want them any other way.<br />
...the simple pleasures you brought me<br />
...the gift of patience<br />
...the friends who helped me pack, move, sell one house and renovate another, motivate me, kept me moving and once again lifted me up and pushed me to the finish.<br />
...David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, Prince, Keith Emerson, Greg Lake, Leon Russell, Buckwheat Zydeco ( Stanley Dural Jr) Maurice White (EWF one of my faves), Paul Kanter, Glen Frey.<br />
Your exit in 2016 made me so sad to see you go, but for all the years of listening pleasure you gave me and for all the amazing music that makes up the soundtrack of my life...Big Happy<br />
...the presidental election, yup, that. Though not happy with the end result, happy for the enlightenment, so that in 2017 we move forward with more kindness, compassion, activism, and accountability.<br />
...Ted... always in my heart, and ever present. I was honoured and blessed to be able to spread a little of you this year with some of your favorites... and you did not let us down... the signs...AMAZING! Amy, Captain Rich, Melis, Rich, and the gang on the boat, a little Casco Bay love for Ted, thank you for allowing me the moment to spread a little Ted from your boat in our beautiful part of the world. Therese, Marie, Angela, Didi, Laurence, Eileen, the perfect spot in Provence for Ted and the heart signs EVERYWHERE, so grateful for the love and kindness and your willingless to share your time with a little of Ted! Mags, Amy, MaryJane, Allie...Teds Cove... just amazing really, the heart, the harvest moon, shooting star, little dipper... stars alligned in Ted's kingdom! His favorite place, I will alwyas carry these memories, thank you all for allowing me the moments to share Ted with you all and our big beautiful world. For remembering him with me, missing him.<br />
I will take all the Happy, lots of HAPPY in 2017!<br />
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FEAR...<br />
... for our country<br />
...for my fellow humans<br />
... for our global community<br />
... for our planet<br />
... for my friends in the fight of their lives,<br />
I would love to not be fearful... I'd like to leave fear behind in 2016<br />
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HOPE...<br />
...That there truly is a cure for cancer. So many friends in this fight in 2016.<br />
Marilyn, Patrick, Susan, Irena... you are my HOPE... your remissions, truly my favorite moments of 2016!<br />
And to all my friends in the fight... I am in your corner, I am hopeful, I have seen good things after the chemo ravage... I admire your strength, tenacity and grace and pray for the cure.<br />
...That there are more good people than bad, and the negative hateful images we see on TV, in war, in unexpected places, in politics are not the view of the masses... I hope, I hope, I hope. I will bring hope to 2017<br />
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SORROW...<br />
...So much sorrow... all over our world, so much sorrow. I will keep sorrow though, as with great sorrow comes great healing and hope, and compassion and power to make a change. We have all had personal sorrows, experienced the global losses. I wish sorrow on no one, but to experience such sorrow, makes you appreciate the simple little pleasures and the ability find joy in the tiny moments. So I will keep Sorrow in 2017.<br />
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HATE...<br />
...So much more than I ever knew in 2016... I was horrified, saddened, angered, and so disappointed. ...No place for it EVER, in any year, any time any place. Hate can stay in 2016.<br />
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JOY...<br />
...in art<br />
... in my friends successes<br />
...in tiny special moments<br />
...in surprising friends<br />
....Bring on the JOY... look for it, seek it out, find it, be it. Put yourself in the position to feel it. JOY, lots and lots of JOY in 2017.<br />
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FRIENDSHIP...<br />
...You can never have enough friends<br />
... keep the old, make new<br />
...be open<br />
...don't judge<br />
...be a good one<br />
Friends true friends, support, lift, encourage, cheer, cry, and are present. Be a good friend, make new friends in 2017!<br />
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LOVE...<br />
...It really is all you need<br />
... 2017 be filled with love<br />
... for your family<br />
... friends<br />
...strangers<br />
...our planet<br />
You get me. Hard to be loved if you do not spread love. BE LOVE, BIG LOVE in 2017!<br />
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PEACE...<br />
...my wish for all<br />
... in war torn areas<br />
...with inner demons<br />
... in your heart<br />
To all, bring on PEACE in 2017.<br />
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GRATITUDE...<br />
... this word... really expresses my feelings for all of you in my life. But especially since 2012... you have all shown up, embraced, lifted, carried, and ARE the LOVE. My family is truly grateful for all of you in it. I hope we show you the same. Gratitude and stay in 2017.<br />
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HEALTH...<br />
...we take it for granted<br />
... in good<br />
... in bad<br />
... in recovery<br />
... in remission<br />
Be good to your body.. honor it, take care of it. I want to keep GOOD HEALTH in 2017.<br />
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So there it is...another year... my wishes for this shiney new year are simple really. I look forward to what you bring... I pray for all of the above and the strength and power to execute it all with grace.<br />
2016 made me realize how many folks there are in this world who do not feel like me, and I was blown away. The hatred, bigotry, and ignorance that was so frequently publicized and televised during the past year. The vast number of folks who hate, because of color, sexual orientation, disability, gender, religious belief... and on and on. For me ... so disheartning, I truly thought we were more evolved!<br />
So my plan...kill em with kindness, and good, and love. Be happy, be joyful, appreciate each other. Show compassion, show 2016 what a year should look like... 2017... I'm counting on you!<br />
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<br />Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-27270047784854714632016-12-08T11:22:00.001-05:002016-12-08T11:22:47.101-05:00A reminder... and a good one!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My friend Joanne, a friend from childhood posted a little reminder the other day on Facebook. Jo's brother Mark, (aka Mini Mark, aka Max, Maxie, depending on which part of his life you knew him from) passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. I'm paraphrasing but it goes something like this....<div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Light'; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16px;">"If you know someone who has lost a loved one or very important person in their life, and you're afraid to mention it because you think you may make the person sad by reminding them of that person... you are not reminding them... they have not forgotten, they will never forget. What you are reminding them of when you mention them, is that you remembered that the person lived... and that is truly a great gift."</span></div>
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I might add to that, there it is never a bad time to let someone know that you did not know that their person had died, or that you have not seen me to let me know how sorry you are at the loss of my husband,( father, friend, mother, brother, sister, grandparent... whom ever). Or you just didn't know what to say at the time... there is NEVER a bad time to let the surviving loved ones know you are missing, thinking, sending love. </div>
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And may I also add, for me, personally, don't feel bad if you did not know of Ted's death and you ask me how Ted is doing... I know it's an awkward thing, I have had to respond to this remark more times than I have ever thought possible, and the person who asks ALWAYS feels so awful. Please don't, I know you asked, because you knew and loved Ted, ( or me or Zaz or T-Moe) so I'm sorry that you didnt know and that I am just letting you know now. And when I get teary, well, I think I always will, and I'm not speaking for Jo here, but my guess is that she does too. You don't ever get over the loss, how could you possibly get over the life of someone you loved so very much. You do move forward, you do enjoy your life, as they enjoyed theirs. You honor their spirit, and memories. And you share stories, so they are always present. I NEVER, EVER get tired of hearing a Ted story, or a story about my Dad, or my Mom, my Nana's & Pop-pop, Uncle Sonny, Aunt Marie & Aunt Terri, Uncle Alvin, and my sweet friends Michael and Michelle, NEVER! So share, remember, and keep their memories in your heart.</div>
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As I head into the Christmas and New Year... I am always reminded of Ted's LOVE of a good party. So we PARTY! Our traditional X-Mas Eve Open House has continued in true Hellier form, and it is a beautiful reminder of a life lived fully.</div>
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May your holiday season be JOYFUL and FULL of LOVE, HOPE and HAPPINESS...</div>
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BIG HUGE LOVE Y'all!</div>
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Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-20660029767583501712016-11-25T00:57:00.001-05:002016-11-25T00:57:45.148-05:00Giving Thanks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I think this one of my favorite holidays! No gifts, no candy, no other focus besides being thankful for the wonderful things in life. Although I have always been grateful for things in my life, I believe in my youth I was not as reflective or appreciative. As I celebrate my 56th Thanksgiving, I am extremely grateful for so many things...but mostly for all of you... each day, I count myself so lucky that I am blessed with an abundance of beautiful people in my life who lift, strengthen, encourage, share wisdom, kindness and love. And for that I am so very grateful. Happy Thanksgiving!Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-47991481448131065592016-10-07T07:56:00.000-04:002016-10-07T07:56:49.296-04:00happy 27<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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These are a couple of my favorite wedding pics of me and Ted.. we had THE BEST wedding. So fun, surrounded by all of our friends and family. A weekend long affair. I often can't remember the exact date 10/6 or 7 (7 it is!) I wore Joanies dress, (boy was my mom tiny!) And we had our wedding rings made with the gold from my dad's wedding band... it was special.<br />
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After Ted died I wore his wedding band around my neck with one of my favorire neckalces that he gave me. It gave me comfort and I felt him close to me. On my recent trip to France, Teds ring was lost to me. The chain broke somewhere on our adventure to an outdoor market. I was devastated at first, I have not been without it since 6/17/2013, but then after shedding some (many) tears, I was ok. I think it was a sign from my boy. Time to move forward... and although I am not there, he wants me to know that it's time. I have always said when I can take my rings off, I will be ready... mine are still on...he's just giving me the OK for when I am ready. I will forever love him and I miss him dearly. When I look at these pics, I see us so young and in love. I am happy to say that when Ted passsed away 4 months before our 25th wedding anniversary, we loved each other even more than we did in these sweet pics. I have been blessed in love and am so grateful for our 27 years together. I wouldn't trade them for anything. Some folks never get to know this kind of love and I am so greatful we found each other. We had a good life, we share amazing children, an awesome family and a tribe of wonderful friends. And although I will not get to grow old with Ted, I will grow old with memories of a wonderful life shared. So tonight I will raise a glass ( probably a green Heinie) to all our happy days!Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-15608069332615109812016-10-06T08:48:00.002-04:002016-10-06T15:56:48.324-04:00Doors<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">I seem to have an obsession with doors and windows. Beautiful, colorful, passageways. And their meaning for me... what lies beyond, a passageway from one place to another, beginnings, endings, openings and closings. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">I have just returned from an amazing yoga retreat in Provence, France with my dear friend Therese, and a posse of fabulous women. I was lucky to be included among this group of funny, fun, strong, talented ladies. We covered some french ground, Saint Remy, Baux, Aix, Mallemort, Salon de Provence, Lourmarin, so many sweet villages, so many beautiful doors and windows. But the best part of this week for me were the moments unexpected. The first leg of our journey and laughs in the lounge (who knew making a margarita was so complex). The hot drive from the airport and arriving in Mallemort. Settling into our respective "Gites" in this adorable little village. The cats...so many cats! The hill to our Gite... never NOT winded! "Would you rather?" OMG how have I not ever played this game in all my 56 years? So damn funny, especially with the Martin women. Getting lost on a nighttime walk back to our house. And signs from Ted, which brings me back to the door /window meanings. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 16px;"> Below is a photo of our pad for the week...it was awesome! Behind the little white shutter is my room.</span><br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EKWXwY3MLW4/V_UARoL1BsI/AAAAAAAAB-M/wOZ684Ss9bg5Jt5bMynbWNch0-HKDxn_QCLcB/s1600/DSC_0106.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EKWXwY3MLW4/V_UARoL1BsI/AAAAAAAAB-M/wOZ684Ss9bg5Jt5bMynbWNch0-HKDxn_QCLcB/s320/DSC_0106.jpg" width="214" /></a><span style="font-size: 16px;">After meeting our wonderfully delightful hosts... Armelle and Magalie, we headed to Villa Grenedine... Magalie's Villa at the base of the village for a yummy welcome reception. After much wine and getting aquainted, we walked back to our little homes, the first of many hikes that week. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">Our first day ( as every day) began with yoga @7:45. before yoga a bowl full of coffee, seriously a BOWL of coffee...heavenly for me! After yoga... an amazing breakfast filled with french things, croissants, baguettes, figs, jams, madeleines, fruit, yogurt... so many tasty french things. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">Each day we headed out on a new adventure, planned by the lovely Laurence King, yoga instructer magnifique! On the advice of my oh so wise daughter I did not research anything on the itenery... so happy I took her advice, as each day was an awesome surprise. It began with the amazingly moving and beautiful Chagall illumination at LesCarrieres de Lunieres (http://www.carrieres-lumieres.com but if you plan to ever go...don't look... I did not it was a total surprise, and I have to say it was a religious experience for me. ) walking and shopping in Aix, a french cooking class at Villa Genedine with the lovely Cecile, Sight seeing in St Remy, Hammam... a Morracan Spa in Salon... so fun, and the yummy meal after in the cutest little restaurant. Shopping at the outdoor market in Lourmain and a wine tasting and picnic at Chateau Bas, a vineyard and Roman ruin, where I spread a little of Ted. A perfect end to a most lovely week in Provence. There were so many signs from Ted. during this trip. Lots of heart sightings, rainbows and well, just lots of things, letting us know he was present! Miss that man, he would have loved Provence, he totally dug old things! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">If you ever find yourseld in Provence and need a place to stay I highly recommend Villa Grenadine, in Mallemort ( you can find it on air B&B and here </span><a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=0ahUKEwjKv8bRmsbPAhVlxYMKHeRkClUQFggeMAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.airbnb.fr%2Frooms%2F6297108&usg=AFQjCNEUBqXpOR7P6zkMba6tkQhh6Q9sZg&sig2=0XA1VqSzPozCb38WdJTxbA" style="color: #660099; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;">http://villa-grenadine.centerblog.net</a><span style="font-size: 16px;">) and Maison du Peintre also in Mallemort (http://lamaisondupeintre.fr) and our Gite Chez le Peintre (http://www.gdf13.com/location-vacances-Gite-a-Mallemort-Bouches-Du-Rhone-13G388.html ) Beautiful Village, amazing hosts and oh so fun! </span><br />
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<br />Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-58969666613600431462016-09-18T22:44:00.000-04:002016-09-18T22:45:32.485-04:00Ted's Cove<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I so often write here of my feelings and life without Ted. My hope is never to make anyone feel sorry for me or my family but to put my feelings down so I can try to make sense of the grief and move forward thru this thing called life . I try to make sense of it all in the best way I know how. I have shared my sorrow and pain. So today I wanted to share a little magic.<br />
On September 16, 2016, 2 days after Teds birthday, (1 day after his fake internet birthday) and 5 years after he began work on our cottage on Barters Island, I spent my first weekend there in the company of some of my favorite women. I planned on scattering a little of Ted in our cove... his favorite place to chuck a line, watch our children swim, mud or just sit and drink a cold Heinie. And this happened... we walked to the cove on a beautiful full moon lit night at low tide and we saw this! A heart a big beautiful heart. We have been hanging at this cove for 17 years now, and never have I ever seen a heart at low tide. So my dear friend ( and Ted's favorite) Margaret beautifully poured Ted into the hearts center. And as we stood on the rocks admiring the moon and its reflection in the heart with Teds ashes... an amazing, most brilliant shooting star flew over our heads. I have never seen one so large, and so close... we could see the red and blue tail... it was just magical. Ted and I spoke often of him giving me a sign that he was around.. I took the heart as that sign, but the star... nice touch Teddy! Large in life... large in after life... I am so very happy that he is in his special place and that some of his favorites girls were there to see him.Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-17526141452636494452016-09-14T09:48:00.000-04:002016-09-14T09:48:36.685-04:00Happy 61 Cappy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today would be Teds 61st birthday. I miss celebrating birthdays with Ted. Boy did my man love a party. I wish that he was here for us to make a fuss over. And sad that our kids won't be starting this day with the customary "happy birthday old man". I so miss those days.<br />
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I know I have said it before, but I find myself extremely emotional before life events, Ted's birthday being a biggie. I know I am supposed to move on, and I am moving in that direction. It seems like an eternity since I have been able to talk to him and see his face, and then again it feels like yesterday we were sitting, enjoying a cold heinie after a long day of work. I still think about Ted daily... truly, not a day in the past 3 years has passed without thoughts of Ted. My head knows the reality, my heart is hard to convince. It's wierd how 2 parts of the same body can be so disagreeable. But I'm ok, I'm alright, just missing him. So many changes in the past years, and so many decisions. I miss having my mate there to help make them. I miss his laugter. I miss his making diffucult situations bearable, and I miss his calm easy way. I felt I was a better me with Ted and I miss that. I will settle knowing that I am the person I am today because of who we were together. We were lucky... So Happy Birthday Baby, I've got you on my mind, and always in my heart.Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-73041185881404968392016-06-17T19:38:00.000-04:002016-06-17T19:40:15.415-04:001095<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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1095... that is how many days it has been since Ted has been pain free and physically gone from our lives. Physically I say, because I can see and feel his presence all around. In our home (s) in a song or a moment. I see him in T-Moe, the same chin, voice, and now that T-Moe is working "on the truck" he dresses like his dad... sometimes I look at him and an emotional wave of love, sorrow and gratitude wash over me at once. And Eliza, Eliza has her dads eyes... those blue, sometimes greenish eyes, that change hue with the degree of green or blue she is wearing. I look into them and am so happy to see his eyes! I know he was at T-Moe's first college lacrosse game, and I know he was at Eliza's last. I felt him at her senior thesis show, and her graduation. I see him on the South Portland Lacrosse field. This years freshman, for Ted were "the class to watch". He bragged about this class, (since they were 7 years old) as being amazingly talented athletes and great team players, He couldn't wait to watch them play HS ball. I was able to attend few games, but I have a feeling he has been at all of them. He is here, and although I am grateful for the feelings, I still miss his physical being, his silly Tedisums, his ...Hi Cappy, Hey Bubba, ...What up Sweetie, ya know just the way Ted greeted folks, easy and genuine. I miss that. It seems impossible to me that it has been 3 years, 3 years! The memories of him so, fresh and right there. June is an emotional month... Flag day, today, and this year, the selling of his beautiful house. Yet with all the emotion, it feels right and part of the plan, but it is still oh so bitter sweet, so much emotion tied to it all for me. So on that note before I begin sobbing again... I will leave you with these images of the things Ted loved most... His family, building the beautiful Hawthorne Lane house, The "other woman" (we called her Casey, damn he loved that digger!), and of course Lacrosse. I miss you my dear, you are always in my heart.Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7277646774693062003.post-14267100050008485072016-04-24T11:15:00.000-04:002016-04-24T11:15:50.487-04:00I miss your hands<br />
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I dont know if it's because It's Eliza's senior year in College, and he missed 3 years of her playing lacrosse, or that he's missing her senior fashion show, or her graduation. Maybe it is because he missed T-Moes freshman year on and off the field, and T-Moe missed his "Ted" words of wisdom. Or maybe because the HS Boy Lacrosse season has begun, and Ted's favorite group of youth players took the field as Freshman. ( he always bragged about how great this class was going to be) Maybe it's because I am renovating another home,( that our tennants left in unspeakable condition) or that I am selling this beautiful home that Ted built, ( and the kids & I worked by his side to make his dream a reality) Perhaps it is because I will be renting his "Kingdom" in Boothbay for the first time. Whatever the reason I am missing my man lots these days. Perhaps its a spring thing, the anniversary of him leaving us is on the horizon. (Flag day his favoite holiday, he loved it so much, he chose that weekend to go) ) All I know is that I find my eyes are wet alot, and memories flow thru uncontrollably.<br />
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Every day I miss him, I think of him, and so often I wish he were still here. I miss his laugh, I miss his smile, I miss his arms, around me holding me, his hands, his strong hands, his strength. I miss him being able to fix EVERYTHING. I miss designing things with him and him bulilding them perfectly as we imagined. I miss his voice. I guess I just miss him. End of story. With each year I have hope that the pain will lessen, but it does not. I truly thought with time the my broken heart would mend. But not so. My guess is that this hole, this Ted place will always be here, no scar, no bandage, just a gaping void in my heart where Ted lived, and his memories live. Maybe it's really not a hole at all, but a chamber, a TEd chamber, that will always be there. I think I like that. It does not affect my day to day function, and I dont think of him every waking moment, but when I least expect it... there is a thing, a moment, a song, a phrase, a season, whatever... he is there. I can physically feel his presence. I am happy to have him with me. I am just sad that he is not physically with us all. And I guess I will always feel that way. So keep coming Ted, I welcome your presence and just wish I could grab your hand.Zaz And Moehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14336391829282597236noreply@blogger.com2