Saturday, May 30, 2015

The end and the beginning

It is June...the end and the beginning. So many things happen and have happened in June over the past years, I am feeling the imense hugeness of it all. It's the end of my baby's High School days, the end of watching him play High School sports. No more stay-cations in the back yard, waking him up for school, (on time, but him still being late!) inappropiate drawings on his chalk board wall. The end of having a full house (for that matter the end of living in this house!) So many lasts. I am full of emotions.

The graduation June 7... such a big deal, and the first one without Ted. I know he is always here as our Spirit guide always, and I do love that, but I am feeling selfish and will miss him squeezing my hand as the tears flow over how proud he is of this boy of ours. I am sad that T-Moe will not receive a giant Ted hug, and a Ted talk (the original) on how to behave at parties and events to follow. At Eliza's graduation he was in full father beam mode... so proud. Just days after he was diagnosed, so it was so nice of him to get that lovely moment with Zaz. I am sad that Ted and T-Moe will not have that together.

Ted Hellier Laxfest, June 6...he has a fest named after him, yup he does. He was so touched when they named it for him. It was not a wasted gesture. Ted was humbled beyond words and so truly honored to have a lacrosse fest bear his name. A portion of the money raised at Laxfest goes toward the Ted Hellier Memorial fund, which to date has given  500.00 scholarships to graduatung Seniors, will be sending a HS goalie to camp, has funded equiptment for Middle school goalies, and payed for preseason playing time for the Championship SoPo Varsity  lacrosse team.  It is my job now to keep Ted's name alive and memories ever present.  To" be Relentless" as Ted would say. He was such a  fan. So if you are out and about check out the Ted Hellier Laxest, and see what this awesome game is all about!

The playoffs TBA but soon in the weeks to follow... yes this is his team... and he would be over the moon with joy! These guys... such fine young men all of them, have played so well, played like he taught them, they are one heck of a team. I know he is quietly standing away from the crowd at each game as he always did. I feel him there. But again... selfishly wishing to see his face across the field, concentrating on the play at hand.

The House that Ted built....a beautiful home that I have been lucky to live and work in over  the past 9 years. Ted & I ran both of our busunesses here, had many a huge party, hosted countless children, exchange students and family here. But without Ted and our children here, this awesome house is just too big. So on June 8, I will be putting our lovely home up for sale and hopefully some awesome family will fill it with the love it was built with.

Peg's Pond House on Barter's Island in Boothbay... Ted's kingdom... and his final resting place (yes we have a cemetary on the property and one of Teds wishes was to be here forever. And he is, his presence fills the house with love and Tedness,  from the minute you walk in you can feel it! He was working on renovating when he got sick, and with the help of our truly awesome kind, generous, amazing, fun, hard working friends, we are almost done and it will be ready to rent in mid July... a labor of love and a nod to the man we all love and miss dearly.

Flag day, June 14... Ted's holy grail of a holiday, and one that has most imprinted on his son... all flag all the time... he is a die hard like his pops! I find it no coincidence that 2 years ago Ted passed on Flag Day was his holiday! I will be in Boothbay on this day... working on his kingdom and raising a green bottle, feel free to join me, i will have the greenies with me! Next year I am bringing Flag Day back! Mark your calendars!

And of course June 17...the anniversary of Ted's passing. It seems impossible that 2 years have gone by without him on this planet, by my side,  in out home, on the field, with his children and drinking a Heinie with his friends. He is forever in our hearts and missed by so many daily. I just want to thank you all who miss my man, and for sharing your sadness. Somehow it makes me feel better knowing you all miss him as much as I do. Thank you for the love.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

For all you Mothers

It's Mothers day! Today I honor all  the lovely woman I know,  who have had great influence on my life. Call them what you may,  Mom, Mother, Mamma, Ma, Mumma, Mommy, get my drift. No matter how you say it, the word  really means UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!  My mom loved me uncondiotonally, she loved each of us through the good, the bad and the ugly. She taught me so many things, but mostly how to be a good mom. I hope I am doing half the job she did. All the amazing women in my life are truly kind, caring, thoughtful, amazing moms. Which makes me think they too had that unconditional thing going on. Being a mom is one of the most rewarding, scary, hard, amazing things that I have ever done. Until I had Zaz & Moe, I never knew how much I could love one being. I was lucky to have the most loving caring husband, I loved  him more than anything. But the love for your child... like nothing I have ever experienced. And after my first, I was afraid I would have none left for number 2, but oh how wrong I was. I would lay in down for both of my awesome children. They are so completely different in every way and I love  all their ways! I could not imagine my life without the joy of these 2 amazing people in my life. So thank  you Eliza and T-Moe for making me a mother, you have taught me so much and  it is truly my greatest pleasure being your mom.