Monday, December 23, 2013


It is Christmas Eve, eve. In our home, ever since Eliza was born 19 years ago, we have  hosted a Christmas Eve open house... and tomorrow night we will once again. It is a Hellier family tradition. This year however Ted will not be here to greet the masses with his usual easiness and welcoming smile. I am sure all present will be missing that smile, but we  will all be so glad to be celebrating together,  an evening Ted started as our family tradition so long ago. I hope to see all of the usual
supects tomorrow.

Friday, December 6, 2013

I think it will be a bumpy ride

It was lovely to be in NJ with my family over the Thanksgiving Holiday. It was bitter sweet. Our first holiday without Ted. It was so great for me to be with my brothers and their wonderful wives. My children were so excited to be able to hang out with their cousins. For me thoughts of Ted are never far from my mind. He is always with me. It seems unbelievable to me that it has been almost 6 months. I sometimes just find it all unreal. Not in a delusional way, but in an "I cannot believe I will never see him again" kind of way.  My heart is often heavy. Again, I write this not to have any of you worry. I am really good most of the time, except when I am not. And when I am not, I am just sad and missing Ted.