Happy 61 Cappy

Today would be Teds 61st birthday. I miss celebrating birthdays with Ted. Boy did my  man love a party. I wish  that he was here for us to make a fuss over. And sad that our kids  won't be starting this day with the customary "happy birthday old man". I so miss those days.

I know I have said it before, but I find myself extremely emotional before life events, Ted's birthday being a biggie. I know I am supposed to move on, and I am moving in that direction. It seems like an eternity since I have been able to talk to him and see his face, and then again it feels like yesterday we were sitting, enjoying a cold heinie after a long day of work. I still think about Ted daily... truly, not a day in the past 3 years has passed without thoughts of Ted. My head knows the reality, my heart is hard to convince. It's wierd how 2 parts of the same body can be so disagreeable. But I'm ok, I'm alright, just missing him. So many changes in the past years, and so many decisions. I miss having my mate there to help make them. I miss his laugter. I miss his making diffucult situations bearable, and I miss his calm easy way. I felt I was a better me with Ted and I miss that. I will settle knowing that I am the person I am today because of  who we were together. We were lucky... So Happy Birthday Baby, I've got you on my mind, and always in my heart.